Friday - Saturday was my C.H.O.I.C.E.S. Leadership Camp where it was mainly just us recipients and tutors from Bradley University/Carl Sandbug college.

As much as I dreaded going that day,it turned out to be one of the best experiences I'd ever had.

The first activity was where everybody got in a big cirgle in the gym and put their shoes in front of them.Somebody in the middle would start by saying,"Move your butt if..." something like if you have a a green shirt.Everyone wearing a green shirt would have to run in the middle and find someone else's shoes to stand by.If you were left in the middle with no other shoes unoccupied,you'd have to make something up like "Move your butt if you like ice cream" and so on.

Later we were split into color coded groups.I was in the orange group and we called ourselves the Big Macs.There were two other girls and three boys in my group,I think.And then three girl tutors and one guy.After we had supper(pizza and pop) we went through a few different stations.Many were activities I had done before.

The first station was like a little visual story with dolls...Something about a husband who had to leave on a business trip.The wife begged him not to go because she knew she would be unfaithful to him.He had to go anyway,she once he leaves she crosses the river next to their house and cheats on him with her lover.She feels guilty and wants quit seeing her lover.When she goes to return to the house before the husband,she sees a killer on the other side of the bridge.So she goes further down the stream and asks if a boatman can take her across.The boatman says it costs 10 cence.She doesn't have any money so she goes back to her lover and asks if she could have the 10 cence.He says he won't help her since she didn't choose to be with him.So the woman decides since it's getting late and her husband will be home soon,she'll take her chances on the bridge.She is killed.

Once the story was over,we had to choose whose fault we thought it was that the woman died.I said I thoguht it was the woman's own fault for being unfaithful in the first place.Depending on who each of us chose,that meant there was a certain factor we were looking for in relationships.I think the woman meant fun...which isn't accurate for me.The boatman was magic,the husband was trust,and I forgot the other two.

Then we did the magic carpet activity where all of us had to stand on a carpet and without stepping off it,turn it over.It was a mess,people climbing on backs,jumping in unison,screaming,grabbing each other before we fell...Funny.They let us cheat a bit once we figured it out....

And then came the most emotional activity.Each one of my group had to take an apple,saying something that really upset us,and chuck the apple against the wall.There was crying,hugging,some of the saddest stories I've ever heard...Some of the girls couldn't even throw the apple.They jsut set it down in the middle of our circle when they couldn't go on.Some,including me,were crying before it was even our turn.But it really...really made me feel something different.

The next thing was where we each said our birthdays once,and then everyone had to try and remember and put ourselves in order by who came first birthdat-wise.That was really hard...we did bad,lol.And then we did the human knot,which my group finished in no time.

Oh gosh,the last thing was the trust fall.One person would stand on a table,the rest of us would link our arms tightly together,and the person would have to fall onto our arms formt he table backwards.Yeah.I was so nervous(and the pizza didn't agree with me) that I felt sick and couldn't do it.But I did do the tamer version where I fell back into one person's arms,not from a table.

By the time all that was done,it was pretty late,but we had snack time and movies and stuff like that...We had this thing where you could sign up to have a one-on-one talk with one of the tutors in your group.You could talk about anything.It was only supposed to be 10 minutes long,probably in case more than one person wanted to talk to the same tutor,but I was the only one for one in my group,Elise,and we ended up talking for hours.I've never been able to just...talk like that to anyone.Nobody ever wants to me talk for too long,lol.It feels good to be able to tell someone all these thing that they won't judge me for,and might even agree with.Or things that I'd never dare tell anyone else,not even my closest friends,just because...There's lots of reasons.

Oh,another activity was where they divided half the groups up,and then the half into another half that had to put their hands behind their back and close their eyes.Then the rest of us went over and hugged everyone one of them,and then we switched any they hugged us.Complete strangers pretty much,but it felt so good to be hugged by so many people.Some nearly knocked me over!

Then I played volleyball for awhile.It's different with so many people and a longer net.I'm used to our divded little teams at school.

Early in the morning most of us were still up.Elise and I went over to watch the Incredibles.There was this tutor in front of us,and it was so funny.He was so engulfed in the movie that he kept stroking his little beard.One of the tutors sat next to him and started stroking her chin,imitating him,and when he'd turn and say something to her she'd quickly stop.A bunch of us girls in back kept snickering and he never noticed...

I got in a few hours of sleep later.In the morning Carl came in yelling and playing music to wake us up for breakfast.I had some cereal and about an hour later,I think, we all went back to the gym and did stretches together.Then all recipients and tutors got in a big circle again and we did this thing where two people would read off something like,"If you are female".If it applied to you,you would take a step foreward for a few seconds,then step back.This,like,the first thing we did in the big circle,was to see who had things in common with each other.Other questions were,"If you consider youself Christian" or "Conservative" or "If you have cried in the past month, "If you have laughed in the last week","If you have considered suicide","If you consider yourself a person of color" etc...

After I left there,I went to meet with my tutor and that's basically all for then.

Sunday,I was way too tired to go to Suday School.I managed to make it to the boat regotta.Dad's class 2 boat didn't win anything,nor did the Subway boat he made for some other people(although it won 1st place and Pride of the Regotta at a race in a different town).

Today was my first day with my tutor,but my friend Kristin and I didn't need much help on homework,really.

And today is 9/11.Yep,everyone is wel aware of those two numbers.They're so meaningless when seperated,but together they can make people depressed,angry,or just think for a bit.

I feel that this day is a very important day to remember,but I don't think the memory should be constantly pushed on everyone.It's too painful for some to be reminded every moment of the day.But it should still never be forgotten.It makes me angry,actually,when someone says they're tired of hearing about it and there's more important thing to trouble ourselves over.As long as you are living in America,you should feel with America.I think some people's opinions on 9/11 rememberance would be very different had they been close to someone who died that day in 2001.I was friends with someone who had loved ones die there.The look in his eyes on the anniversery even two years later was heartbreaking.

Well,I guess that's about all I have to say...for my veiws.

God bless America.Continue to be supportive of our troups.Quit being dumbasses for a day.So long.